Critical Point
by Lily10
Summary: Kallen is captured by Suzaku and Suzaku's attention is captured by Kallen.
1. Part One

**Title**: Critical Point  
**Author**: Lily  
**Series**: Code Geass r2  
**Pairings**: Suzaku/Kallen

* * *

This was ridiculous. This was _annoying._ Where was Zero? If she was going to be used as bait to lure him in (not that she wanted to be), shouldn't they have started reeling in by now?

It was the second day of her kidnapping and Kallen was suffocating. There were pink crescents edging her palm where her fingers dug too deeply with the anticipation of a fight.

Because, god, she wanted to _fight_. She wanted to be inside Guren, adrenaline guiding every thrash and swing. She wanted that bitter taste of confidence and fear in her mouth, but all she could taste was the memory of Lelouch's promise to rescue her.

Lying on her back and staring uselessly at the ceiling, which she was quickly memorising, Kallen dreamt of her mother, of her brother, of Ohgi, but even her memories weren't strong enough to defend against the lonely cold.

With Lelouch she could muster some anger about. Where was he? It felt like everything had come to a standstill and Kallen was... bored. She was bored of it all. Tired in a way that had nothing to do with the residual ache in her limbs and heaviness of her eyes. But she was more angry at herself for getting caught in the first place. Kallen couldn't escape the fact that she was kidnapped and held prisoner– a fact she was most desperate to forget lest full panic seep into her bones and breath.

* * *

"Food." Suzaku offered. There was an awkward pause as they stared at one another, before he opened the large string of bars separating the two.

She watched him fearlessly walk and place the food on the ground before her. "You should eat something Kallen." Suzaku had the gall to say to her kindly but her eyes were fixated on the open space behind him. The absence of the metal jail bars was jarring; signifying in her restlessness, _freedom_. If she could only get past him–

He knew what she was staring at. Frowning, Suzaku crouched down to her eye-level and pushed the tray closer towards her. "Eat." He repeated. Kallen stared at him for a moment, eyes blinking slowly and dryly. She took a moment, one long moment filled only with breathing and blinking and frowning, to consider what she should say. How she should respond.

And then she kicked the tray with her outstretched foot, finding brief satisfaction in Britannia's prized lap dog covered head to toe in soup.

Kallen leapt to her feet, ready to dash for freedom but Suzaku's reflexes were nearly inhuman. She was kissing the cold tile floors before she even had a chance to take a step out of the metal and stone of her dungeon cell.

"Stop it Kallen." Suzaku pleaded through gritted teeth as she struggled and wriggled and kicked wildy at the air, but to no avail. Despite his deceptively slender appearance, Suzaku had the strength advantage. He came down hard upon her, pressing his body so forcefully against her back, pinning her to the floor, crushing her, and squeezed her wrists to near breaking point, that she eventually lost the strength to struggle. Her eyes slid shut and she tried to brush off the headache that throbbed along her temple and down her spine, but there really was no brushing off that sort of pain.

Her resolve was still firm, her dedication adamant, and she tried to will her face to express so when he flipped her onto her back. Droplets of soup dripped from his hair to splatter on her face. She couldn't help it. Her tongue darted out, tasting the salty liquid on her skin. Suzaku caught the movement with his sharp gaze and an exasperated look filled his features. "Why do you have to be so stubborn?" He mumbled, glaring hard at her mouth. He seemed to be more frustrated that she wasn't eating than her attempts at escaping. Kallen returned the glare with her own. How he could worry over her eating habits of all things when he had her holed up in a jail cell was beyond her comprehension.

Kallen shifted slightly from her uncomfortable position below him and felt a sense of déjà vu. He had had her in a similar arrangement that time they were stranded on that island. He had been so surprised at seeing her uniform, he hadn't even noticed she was naked. That, or he was gay.

"Are you gay, Suzaku?" Kallen found herself asking.

He looked at her like she'd gone insane. "What?"

"I always knew you and Lelouch had something going on. The way you kept looking at each other like—"

"Kallen," Suzaku sighed heavily, looking and sounding as tired as she did. "I'm not gay."

"Oh."

He dragged her back to a sitting position and came back fifteen minutes later with another tray. He left the new bowl of soup and bread and water in the corner of her cell before leaving again. The sight made her stomach churn and demand food, while her mouth burned for liquid.

But still. Kallen looked at the innocuous soup bowl and pursed her lips stubbornly together. She always had too much pride.

* * *

On the third day of her kidnapping, she heard footsteps approaching. The rhythm of boots on tile came with an accompanying whistle, a quick and cheery tune, and Kallen actually stood and leaned into her bars to see better.

A young man looking only a little older than herself came waltzing into view, jacket loose and hands swinging. Kallen recalled the blonde as the guy who tried to flirt with her at the pre-wedding party for the Chinese Empress. She took a cautious step backwards.

"Oh. Hello," he said, sounding almost startled as he turned to her, as if he wasn't expecting her to be there at all.

"... Hi," Kallen replied, hesitantly.

"Huh," he said, squinting at the metal vertical bars serving as barrier between them as if they weren't supposed to be there. He folded his arms and regarded her unabashedly like she was a painting in a museum he was trying to decipher with his eyes. "I'm Gino." He introduced himself with a wide grin.

She stared at him wondering what he was getting at.

Still grinning, Gino tilted his head curiously to the side as if the new angle could help him to examine her better. "You know, I'm still mad I never got to have a rematch against you." He continued on, conversationally.

She shrugged her shoulders, tossed her head, and folded her arms in a mimic of Gino's own posture. "I'm sure we'll have plenty more chances in the near future." Kallen reassured him.

The grin on his face deepened. For one wild moment she wanted to reach through the bars and rip it from his face.

"I'll be looking forward to it, hot stuff."

* * *

Her brother once told her that if a person didn't sleep for more than three days, they were considered legally insane.

Is this what being insane was like?

* * *

There was a knife with her food. Too dull to cut skin, which she had only tested to check the utensil's potentiality for a weapon.

* * *

__

Click.

Kallen sat up, quick and sudden, blood rushing from her fingertips and toes where it had pooled, straight up to her head. She winced and scrunched her eyes, squinting between eyelashes at the small pale girl by the entrance, all folded eyes and expressionless face as she lowered the camera she'd had raised and aimed at Kallen's lithe form.

The girl made a small noise, a hum that was paired with an exhale of breath, and then she was gone. Turning and walking away, pink hair swinging for a moment as she pivoted on one booted foot.

...Right.

* * *

Her prison bars were becoming more and more noticeable, in a way they somehow weren't before. But waiting here, sitting in a tiled cell just _waiting_ for the Black Knights to rescue her as they intended, was wrong.

Kallen flumped back onto the floor, pressing the heels of her palms into her closed eyes, pushing the dry eyelids as deep as they could go. Her breath hitched, her shoulders shook and she began to use her hands to push back tears as well.

* * *

On the fourth day of her kidnapping, Kallen had yet to eat or drink or sleep. A part of her knew how foolish she was being - it wasn't like they would poison her. Poison was overrated when one could stab her in her current state anywhere they pleased. She guessed it was probably because she thought she would've been rescued by now. Kallen swallowed; drinking down nothing but the saliva that was demanding to be used to break down food.

Food, food, food.

"Kallen," Suzaku wearily called, another tray in his hands as he opened the door and entered her cell. Blandly, Kallen registered she could use this time to lunge herself at the White Knight while the door was still open but she had already tried this fifty times already and even she knew by now it was time to face facts: Suzaku was stronger and quicker, and more alert to her movements than she was of his.

Tune him out, she thought, staring at the walls, shadowed and dimmed by the artificial light that always burned down the hallway. Tune him out. Think about something different. Daydream yourself elsewhere. Far away where they can't touch you.

Home. Naoto's sticky hand on her arm as he offers her some cotton candy he bought to celebrate her finishing the last day of elementary school. Ice cream running down the cone and over Shirley's fingers until she licks it away. Milly's tirades about a possible Winter Festival because planning parties was like air to the bubbly young woman and Milly was never short-winded. Rivalz driving his motorbike. Nina hunched over a computer. Lelouch with a vial of refrain in his hand.

And there in her barred room, Kallen watched the stone wall until Suzaku finally left.

* * *

If her brother was alive right now in her place, he probably would've started singing to kill the time. _Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall.._

Her laugh bounced for a moment before dying in the metal and cold room, leaving it all the more empty in its silence.

* * *

"Enough of this. Drink," Suzaku said to her, holding a glass of water through the bars. Kallen turned her head to stare at the tall drink that her parched tongue insisted would be divine, and tried to reach her arm out. Her hand flopped rather uselessly a foot away from her side.

"Sometimes I think, Zero let you get captured just to be rid of your nuisance," Suzaku murmured, and she opened her eyes with a start because he was so close. Right there. Right in front of her, leaning down, gloved hand curling tightly around the base of her skull and tilting her head back. After the first sip, she coughed, choking.

"All of it," he said as he slowly poured the liquid down her throat, before he lowered her down. She struggled to sit up on her own. Her body felt incredibly heavy, like she gained a few hundred pounds but she managed to swing up from her sprawl on the tiled floor, crawling to the tray he'd left her a few hours ago, and picked up the spoon resting there. She couldn't harm Suzaku. She couldn't not sleep. She couldn't not eat. Couldn't do anything except maybe sit back and admit that, _huh_, the soup was actually good as it lingered on her tongue between swallows and filled a stomach that had been empty for too long.

Suzaku sat back on his heels and watched her with an indiscernible gaze as she tore through a loaf of bread with her teeth. Kallen was no longer aware of his presence until he moved again - swift and silent - beside her and then _kissed_ her like it was the most natural thing to do.

* * *

…tbc…

* * *


	2. Part Two

**A/N**

Thank you very much for all of your lovely reviews everybody and your encouragement for me to continue. Suzaku/Kallen fans, unite!

* * *

Suzaku's hand was on her neck, fingers curling along her nape. The other hand had fallen on her shoulder, keeping her tugged forward as he connected their lips. Kallen didn't quite jump in her skin, but her surprise was visible in the widening of her eyes and the stiffening of her spine. And it was not just kissing. This was not only lips pressed to lips, it was Suzaku's mouth open and persistent and forcing her own lips apart. It was him biting at the corner of her mouth and him licking across her teeth. It took her body a moment to respond with reflexes, but then the adrenaline kicked in and she was flailing backwards. She pushed away from him, panting, her heart hammering erratic and sudden in her chest.

"What are you _doing_?"

Suzaku looked just as bewildered with himself as she was. "I don't know," was all he said for a minute. There was enough of a pause, and a discomfort of confusion in his twisted jaw before he allowed himself to continue. "I'm sorry."

"You think you'll break me that way? You won't," Kallen spat, sitting up and still breathing hard. Her eyes never left his face, and he did his best to avoid hers. "Or maybe—" Anger flared within her into twisting shapes. "Maybe you're looking for comfort only a woman can provide?" Kallen sneered, suddenly recalling Lelouch's desperate-edged words as she tightly folded her arms not in vulnerability but in defiance.

"It's not like that." He insisted, eyes hooded and shadowed from showing emotion. Her chest still heaved from the near intimacy.

_Creep kissed you_, Kallen pictured her brother saying, cracking his fingers in the universal boy gesture of Pain's 'A Coming.

That was right. Creep had kissed her. She tried to feel more angry about it, but found herself too tired to care. So incredibly tired. Every day locked in this room, her only exercise in the lengths she could pace, and when was the last time she had felt the sun warming her skin? She was becoming lethargic, almost docile.

"Then what _is_ it like?" Kallen demanded, waves of choking, unutterable exhaustion pouring through her like icy water. She scooted back until she was leaning against the cold stone wall, letting the quiet chill creep along the inside of her bones.

"…I don't know." came his simple reply. She watched him slowly sit down across from her, his face reverting back into an expressionless mask.

"So what _do_ you know?" Kallen countered, a faint part of her mind registering that they were actually engaging in a civil conversation.

Suzaku seemed to contemplate her question for a moment, tilting his head downward to hide behind a makeshift mask of hair. "That sometimes you make sacrifices without really understanding why," he murmured, "and sometimes, even, knowledge won't tell you everything." His voice seemed disjointed, far away. Her body stirred. There was something about his empty stare that made Kallen uneasy.

He lifted his head suddenly, a question of his own brewing on the tip of his tongue.

"Do you want Zero to rescue you? Do you think he will?"

Truthfully? "No," she scoffed lightly, staring hard at her lap. "I don't want him to come here."

"But do you think he will?"

"Yes." He had promised after all.

Suzaku stared at her, his mouth a harsh slash of unhappiness across his face. Kallen sighed heavily.

"What do you want with me, Suzaku?"

For a long time he was silent.

"I don't know."

She made an odd noise in her throat and turned her face away. _Figures_

"But I think I want to find out who you are," he finally answered her, promised her, whispered to her, quiet and binding in the dark.

* * *

"I don't know," Kallen mimicked to the ceiling when she had her cell and hallway to herself again, and tried to pretend that she wasn't shaking. She fell asleep for the first time since being captured; dozed off with all the ease and comfort cold open air and hard tiled floors provided.

* * *

_Naoto, running and tripping along the sand, racing Ohgi as he did every day. Kallen watched them charge towards her, waiting to judge the winner. Naoto won in a skid of wet sand and fourteen-year-old laughter._

_"Why can't I race?" Kallen asked, hands on hips._

_"You're not as fast as us," her brother teased, "You're a girl after all."_

_"Girls are strong too!" She blew a raspberry at him and stuck out her tongue for complete rebuttal overkill. Naoto grabbed his heart, made a pained face and crumpled to the ground as Ohgi laughed. Kallen laughed as well, running towards her brother and tackling him with all her strength._

_"I **am** strong you know." She protested after he'd spun her around in the air a few times._

_"I know you are Kallen." Naoto smiled and the way he said it, like it was the whole undisputed truth, made her smile too._

Kallen blinked awake to the same white ceiling and the same empty cold, except for a feeling of an incessant warmth that threatened to tear her skin along carefully sewn seams if she forgot to leave old memories well enough alone. They bled from her skin like melted wax along the sides of a burning candle; slow, thick and hot.

She sighed. When they had captured her, she'd assumed that she was to be used to get to Zero, and she'd rather thought... immediately. That Zero was maybe lurking about the grounds and just needed a reason to enter. That they would be carting her away, holding a blade to her throat and saying 'Zero, do this or she gets it' because that's what villains do wasn't it?

But this...? This was just waiting. Pointless waiting.

Kallen wouldn't stop pacing. Back and forth across her slanted line of sight, pausing at each end before turning for a repeat. She wanted to walk, to move, to keep progressing _forward._

* * *

There are forty-two tiles in her room.

* * *

"Who's Naoto?"

Kallen's chest felt as if steel bands were compressing her ribs. "Where did you hear that name?"

Suzaku's answer was a solid stare. "You mumbled for him all night. In your sleep."

She sputtered in indignation. "What were you doing watching me sleep?"

Suzaku had the decency to look embarrassed. "I wanted to see you like that. What you looked like when you're not trying to escape or sulking or becoming sleep deprived. Or counting tiles." He paused and then added, "You looked peaceful."

Kallen bounced away from the bars, made an angry face, and gave Suzaku a very rude gesture. Her captor's eyebrows raised and she honestly couldn't tell whether he was frowning or breaking into a half-smile.

* * *

Kallen forced herself to stop thinking about Home. It used to keep her warm when everything else could not. But she was eighteen now, and it brought the bitter comprehension that her teenage years had come to an end, had come to an end the day she found Naoto purple and black with bruises, head turned at an odd angle with his stomach gouged open, guts pushing through and _this_, this rebellion, couldn't possibly be a thrilling adventure anymore.

* * *

Gripping the butter knife she'd snatched from her tray in her hand like a dagger, Kallen raised it high and swung with a crashing thunk against the floor. Her arm vibrated with the hit but the tile didn't so much as scratch. Again. Higher this time and down down ow. Again. And then- ooh, a crack.

"Are you trying to dig your way out?"

Kallen started, glanced over her shoulder at the figure standing at her bars. Suzaku gazed back.

"No," she answered, hurling the dull knife at him where it missed by a scant inch when he shifted slightly to the side, "this is me going crazy."

"You don't look that crazy." Suzaku commented lightly.

Blah. She flopped onto her back. "I can be as crazy as I want." Kallen stubbornly replied, aloud, lying on cold tiles and still staring at the ceiling, which she had memorized.

"Of course." He amended.

She darted a glare his way. "So." She prompted.

"So?" He parroted.

Kallen impatiently pushed away an errant strand of hair out of her eyes. "_So_, what are you doing here?"

There was a trace of a smile on Suzaku's lips. "Just checking up on you in case you try to avoid breathing, since you seem determined before to deny yourself the necessities of life."

"I'm breathing just fine, thank you." Kallen stated dryly.

In and out, in and out. Inhale and exhale. It was like the slow tick of the round clock that hung over the teacher's desk, slowly inching towards the closing bell. Deep breath in ... deep breath out. In and out, in and out. She hoped he was enjoying watching her breathe, arms spread and body limp. Wait, no she didn't. She hoped he was just as bored as she was.

Kallen looked over at Suzaku and caught him watching the rise and fall of her chest with intense concentration.

Heat rushed to her face. "HEY!" Blushing furiously, Kallen jumped to her feet. "Pervert!"

Wide-eyed, Suzaku shuffled back.

"Quit _looking_ at me!"

Her waning coolness seemed to catch him off guard. He blinked at her a few times, his face expressionless before he promptly spun around so that his back faced her. "How's this?"

Kallen stared.

"I'll try not to look at you from now on." Suzaku continued, sitting down cross-legged and leaning back on the bars. She realized belatedly, the teasing tone in his voice. Fuming, Kallen put her hands on her hips and glowered.

And then it hit her what a tantalizingly advantageous situation his new position allowed her. She almost slapped herself on the forehead.

Rule #1: Unless you're an ally, don't ever feel comfortable facing your back against Kallen.

Careful not to make any noise, Kallen held her breath and began creeping up on his motionless figure slumped idly against the bars. She made her way slowly, not a single noise emitting from her form as she moved; a meaningful testimony to her skills. When she was nearly a hair breadth's away, Kallen halted behind Suzaku, wishing not for the first time, that she still had her pink purse-knife in her possession. Narrowing her eyes in determination, Kallen hurled her arm outwards through the metal bars, meaning to restrain Suzaku in a chokehold but at the last moment, Suzaku's own hand reached up to grab hers in a vice-like grip. She grunted in surprise.

"Nice try," Suzaku gave her a sidelong glance and appeared vaguely amused. "but you were being too quiet so I knew you were planning something." Still gripping her arm, he turned back around so that he was facing her again.

Kallen snarled, her left fist balling at her thigh as she tried to pull her right arm free. Suzaku's other gloved hand reached through the bars Kallen was now closely pressed up against and fingered a strand of her hair for a moment. He gave her a long look that nipped at her skin and wriggled underneath to skitter up her spine.

"You said you wouldn't look at me anymore." She blurted out, trying to distract him out of the strange expression filtering unabated across his features.

"I said I'd try," Suzaku reminded, his tone dropping an octave and went on to gently remark: "Kozuki Kallen is much different than Kallen Stadtfeld, isn't she?"

She watched him warily through half-lidded eyes and shrugged her shoulders dispassionately. When his sharp grip finally loosens, she will push his hand away and retreat back into the cold depths of her cell.

* * *

"You awake?" called a voice from outside her prison walls. Kallen glanced over, squinting at Gino lurking outside her room.

She tried to ignore him, turning away again, but he continued: "Sorry to bother you. We just wanted to see what the fuss was about..." trailing off, drenched with amusement. Tearing her eyes from the ceiling, Kallen stared at the teen leaning against the wall outside her barred room. Beside him was the small, stoic, pick haired girl; camera poised and ready as always.

"We were wondering, you see. It takes a lot for Suzaku to be interested in anything outside our goal, and I'd say he's nearly _intrigued_ by you. Which is, of course, saying something." Gino said, lifting his slim shoulders lightly in motion of a shrug.

At a loss for what to say, Kallen stood up, shook out her very cramped shoulders and lower back, and turned towards the barred wall.

_Click_ went the girl's camera phone. Kallen immediately narrowed her eyes in annoyance. She didn't know what to do with the always silent, always watching creature. Even so, the girl's eyes fell in a viscous blink, and it occurred to Kallen that the more expressionless her face, the more her mind was whirling in scary witch child fashion.

"I doubt he even knows what pulls his interest to you." The girl murmured in a translucent voice, fluttery and infinitely pale.

"Leave me alone." Kallen scowled and turned away again to focus her attention at the high arcs that crisscrossed over her ceiling and blended into cold wall all around her.

Leaving their languid posts, the eccentric pair actually took heed. On his way out, Gino nodded to her, saluting casually. "Bothers you, doesn't it?"

The downward twitch in her lips said he had the right of it.

* * *

"Kallen," Suzaku clenched his jaw sharply and sunk his chin further in his upturned palms. "how do you know if your way is the right way?"

Kallen caught the meaning of his words as easily as a spider's web caught morning dew. The aches and pains that comprised her life was twisting and turning in her stomach; a sudden fire racing along her skin.

"Right or wrong—it doesn't matter," She drummed her fingers across her empty soup bowl and turned away. "somehow, every path I take always gets me to where I want to be." And really, that was all she needed in the end.

* * *

Kallen was re-counting the squares in her room, over and over, bored as she was, when she realized she had had enough.

She had to get out. Had to get away. A kidnapped girl waiting for her prince to come rescue her? I'm no damsel in distress, Kallen thought, clenching her jaw and fists. If Lelouch isn't going to come for me... I'll go to him. Screw this.

From alone in an open cell to Suzaku's impromptu smooch. From lying on cold tile floors to dealing with annoying members of the Knights of Rounds. Kallen didn't want to wait for the next leap.

Mentally, she ran over her list of options. Among her piloting skills, Kallen had always prided herself on her physical strength, but Suzaku's prowess was almost too ridiculous to surpass. Grudgingly, she acknowledged that his combat skills were superior to her own so overcoming him in strength and speed alone was not enough. No, this was a situation that called for great cunning and unparalleled deceit. She had to be resourceful. She had to get down and dirty. She had to put her acting skills into good use.

She had to seduce Kururugi Suzaku.

It was an embarrassing notion no matter how many times she repeated the mission objective in her head, but there really was no other way Kallen could think of. After all, Suzaku was a teenage boy and Kallen had come to the conclusion quite early in her life that all teenage boys were dogs. Some just hid it better than others. Besides, why else would he be taking the time to visit her cell three to four times a day? Not for her witty conversations, that was for sure.

Kallen felt a cool and logical calm fall over her mind as she unzipped the top of her uniform to allow for maximum cleavage. In a twisted way, she figured she ought be used to having her body on display. Suzaku had seen her naked before. So had Lelouch. Kallen started to tick things off on her hand. She'd also been a playboy bunny… walked in on a meeting with the Chinese ambassadors dressed in nothing but a towel…

Really. This shouldn't be too hard at all.

* * *

"Kallen, are you all right?" Suzaku questioned, looking genuinely worried over her mental state.

Grimly, Kallen couldn't help questioning her own sanity either.

"Oh… I just… feel very _hot_..." Kallen murmured, lowering her eyelids seductively from where she had carefully sprawled herself out elegantly on the floor.

Suzaku frowned. "Really?" He asked, surveying their surroundings with definite skepticism. Kallen understood why— her cell was like a human refrigerator. Scowling to herself, she thrust her chest out and arched her back more. "Yes, I'm so hot." Kallen ran her hand through her ragged bangs, trying to look sexy and winced when her fingers hit a nasty snarl of tangled hair.

"Maybe you're coming down with a fever." Suzaku remarked, bending down and resting his hand lightly against her forehead. He wasn't touching her anywhere else. Kallen couldn't even qualify it as a "grope" when he hadn't made any move towards her breasts yet. He hadn't even _looked_ at her breasts yet, as far as she could tell. It was as if she didn't exist from the neck down, and since the opposite was usually the case, she wasn't quite sure how to react.

"That's funny, you don't feel hot." Suzaku stated, removing his palm much to Kallen's chagrin. And he _still_ wasn't looking below her neck. What was wrong with him?

"Oh but I am!" She protested a little harsher than she'd intended and grabbed back his hand to clutch it tightly against her chest. "Suzaku..." Kallen lowered her gaze and leaned forward until her lips were brushing his ear. "Stay with me."

But instead of growing aroused, Suzaku just looked plain confused over her behavior. "What?" He said blankly.

"Please stay with me." Kallen repeated breathlessly. Her fingers tracing feather light, slid up and down along his wrist, tangling and fitting in between his poised fingers.

"What?" He asked again, utterly bewildered.

"..."

"..."

Suzaku looked from his hand to her chest to her face and back to his hand again. That did it. As if a butterfly casually fluttered its wingspan across his face, understanding unfolded.

"Kallen..." Suzaku began and stopped; a mixture of disbelief and amazement on his face.

Knowing the jig was up, Kallen dropped his hand like a hot potato and let the frown she'd been hiding throughout the entire charade develop on her features. Sulking at her failed mission, Kallen tried to understand what went wrong. Women were supposed to be able to bring men to their knees, right? They were supposed to be vile temptresses. So what had she doing wrong? Unless...

"Are you gay Suzaku?" Kallen asked, an accusatory tone in her voice.

Suzaku's response was to shake his head in exasperation. "Didn't we already have this conversation?"

"Well it's the only logical explanation!" She huffed, feeling for some inexplicable reason, annoyed. Her ego had just taken a nosedive.

Suzaku shifted uncomfortably and tried to explain. "Not all guys' minds work that way."

"Of course they do!" Kallen snapped. Literally. She actually threw her hands up in frustration. "They're guys!"

"Well forgive me for not treating you like a piece of meat then."

Kallen narrowed her eyes. Did she just detect a note of sarcasm?

"You know what? I don't care what you say. You're gay." She declared, jabbing a finger at Suzaku as if she was god and he was receiving divine punishment over his inability to fall for her feminine wiles. God, she really was losing her mind. Suzaku was definitely looking at her like she had, anyways.

"Kallen, what..."

"You're _gay_."

"_Kallen—_"

"You're gay." Kallen's voice broke and she took a shuddering breath. And then suddenly, it wasn't about Suzaku being gay anymore. It was about her and her damned uselessness and her stupidity and her failures. It was her fault for being captured in the first place so she had no right to expect Lelouch to come rescue her and now she couldn't even get out of this mess on her own. Kallen could feel a whole wall of tears pressing against the back of her eyes and if she let one fall the whole lot would follow.

Ohgi. Ohgi. She wanted him. If he were here he'd pull her away into a hug. Pull her away and under his arm, nestle her beneath his chin. She wanted to go home. She wanted to see C.C stuffing her face with pizza again and listen to Tamaki's loud complaints over his lack of an official position. She wanted Kaguya's laugh ringing in her ear. She wanted curry hamburger with worcestershire sauce and egg on top. She wanted Lelouch's infuriating smirk making her own lips smile. She wanted wanted wanted.

"You're gay and there's nothing wrong with that—" Kallen couldn't hear them in her mind anymore. Her imagination was as dry as her insides felt. Dry and crumbling with each breath. Each breath that caught in her throat and threatened to bring tears as revenge. Kallen pressed her palms to her closed eyes, hard. She wasn't strong at all. Wasn't _smart_ either.

She hissed in a breath, a few tears managing to leak down her cheeks behind her hands. She'd barely slept a moment in the interval between the battle and her subsequent capture, and the lack of sleep and stress were finally beginning to catch up with her.

"Okay Kallen," Suzaku's voice was soft and reassuring; warm lips at her ear, "I'm gay." Suzaku agreed not unkindly. His gloved hand touched her shoulder and she knew he was only saying it in an odd attempt to make her feel better. A part of her appreciated it. The other part wanted to laugh hysterically.

Kallen grabbed his arm suddenly, tugging him up from his slouch against the wall and brought his shoulders up straight. It was like he was in etiquette school and she was simply perfecting her posture. But then her knees were hugging his, and she was crawling over him, almost straddling if she decided to lower her knees.

"Naoto was my brother," she whispered, "He used to tap things all the time. _Incessantly_." She didn't know why she was telling him this, only that it felt good to let it all out. To feel the tension and the pressure slowly leave her chest with each word. Whatever made her start, didn't let her stop.

"Feet on tiles, pen on the table, fingers against his thighs... just tapping things." She gestured with her hands, letting them move in wild circles to prove her point – to make them clear and distinct. Maybe she was just letting an excess of thoughts spill out of her troubled head. Maybe she just wanted someone to listen, to hear her for probably the first time in a long time. Maybe it didn't matter.

"And one day, when I asked him why, he got all surprised. Said it was for me... to let me know he was there when I couldn't see him."

The words were so heavy, so difficult to say. Kallen had expected them to be choked, blurred or hoarse, but her voice was clear and calm.

"He must've really cared for you," Suzaku told her solemnly and grew quiet.

"Yes." Kallen agreed and her face was still calm, like an ocean-smoothed stone, even when she raised her face to Suzaku's and joined their lips.

* * *

...tbc...

* * *

**Q&A** (because my review reply function doesn't seem to be working)

_--Write Lelouch x Kallen._

Suck my nonexistent balls.

_--Did you change the title of your other Suzuki x Kallen fic?_

Uh nope.

_--What's with your Kallen's attitude regarding Lelouch?_

Haha, if you mean why she was being slightly harsh that he hadn't rescued her yet than I guess it's because I figured almost anyone in this situation would feel impatient to be saved. Especially someone as hot-headed as Kallen. But that's just me. However, I picture Kallen as someone who is very independent too and also prideful in a way so I'm trying to capture that in my fic as well.


	3. Part Three

**A/N.** Thank you again to all the people who took the time to make a review. I really appreciate the support ;;

I don't know if anyone's noticed but I bumped up the rating, because this chapter has sex sex sex. Originally, this chapter was also going to be dealing with deep, long conversations between Suzaku and Kallen but after several days of banging my head over the keyboard due to my inability to get all the philosophical dialogue to work properly, I decided to leave it for future chapters since I haven't updated this fic in months and wanted to lyke NOW.

Sorry for the wait! However, because school has started again I'm not sure when my next update will be. But please be patient with me. D:

* * *

She had learned to kiss from him, learned how to give a kiss if not return it, and she mimicked everything she had felt his mouth do to hers in the days prior. Perhaps she wasn't as experienced and perhaps she wasn't as sure, but she was persistent and desperate, and maybe that was enough.

Kallen's emotions were raging dangerously close to out-of-control and she didn't like it; she didn't like it one bit. Her hands are fisted again but at least the fists have purpose this time. Because the more she clenches her fingers, the more control she gains on the acid now threatening to dissolve her from the inside out.

Lately she'd been having trouble thinking. Thoughts sort of skipped around, just to be annoying, just to—hey look, there, Shirley with her hair all tangled and she's wrinkling her nose and trying her hardest not to cry and she's gone again, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Kallen was fifteen when she first saw someone die, when everything exploded and there was just fire and blood and she could barely _see_, and she was crying and hyperventilating and Oniichan had never wanted for her to be in the resistance but here she was and there he was, bloody with his arm ripped near off, bones through the skin and so she had laid down right there and bawled into the dirt like a baby, then she was fighting, shoot and shoot and _reload_ and shoot and shoot and _reload_ and _this is life that is life _and this is _death._

When Suzaku started to kiss her back she shoved away with a frustrated noise, tripping on adrenaline weary limbs, and stumbled to the far side of the cell. His eyes followed her but he didn't move to stand.

Her stomach felt hollow. She was empty like a spoiled apple; smooth on the outside but rotted through the centre. Breathing deep, sliding down the wall and curling against it, Kallen fought for the pretend voices in her head that could just make this go away. Before, she had never really felt weighed down because she had never given herself the time to pause and think and reflect. But here, able to do nothing _but _think in this empty cell with Suzaku and his burning presence and his all-too-familiar eyes and his haunting voice… it was all to easy for the ghosts of her past to visit her freely— running across her closed eyelids, dashing up her spine like an endless shiver.

"I could always tell when my father was around because he would whistle while he worked."

Kallen grew very still. She knew Suzaku wasn't looking for a willing participant in this conversation but just for someone to listen. Why he chose her, Kallen didn't quite understand, just like how she didn't understand why she had told him about Naoto. Or kissed him. It was all so very muddled and confusing and messed up. But for some reason it didn't matter.

"Actually, he didn't know how to whistle," Suzaku continued, eyes distant, "He would just blow air through his lips."

He let his head fall back, but he remained staring straight ahead.

"I never felt any admiration towards him and I resented his beliefs. I even _killed_ him." His pain, his sorrow, his suffering was evident in each of his words. Kallen shifted her position, drawing her knees up to her chin and wrapping her arms around her legs.

Suzaku looked up at her, his face softening slightly. "But I never hated _him_," he said, his voice quiet. "I didn't love him either, but I —" He averted his eyes from hers. "Now I have a duty to set it right and…" He fell silent and pinched his mouth shut, mulling over his words. His expression was melancholy, shoulders slumped and he rested his cheek on his knee once more. His green eyes closed and he murmured so low Kallen had to strain to hear him,

"But now I don't even know what to do anymore. "

She let her gaze be drawn to his hunched form, examining the crisp white uniform he wore and the soft browns of his hair and knew it as she knew most things in life: a cold and clinical awareness of how things brought themselves to completion. An abstract view of the world, cut down to the black and the opposing white; and this is how she survived.

There was suddenly an infinitesimal shudder that shook the foundations of her cell before red lights began flashing, accompanied by alarms blaring loud and long. Heart leaping in her chest, Kallen could hear the distant rush of people rushing around to their posts alert to some sort of danger at hand. In the midst of all this, a frantic voice spoke out over the base's intercom system.

"All units, to your stations immediately! We are under attack! Repeat, we are under attack! All units, get to your stations immediately!"

Kallen's heart pounded in her throat—expectation, hope, a faint memory of a promise filled her to the core. It was the Order of the Black Knights. It just had to be. _They were coming to rescue her. _

Suzaku leapt to his feet the moment the announcement came on. His body trembled, run taught like a bow ready to spring. "Zero," he said, his voice rough and dry.

All at once, Kallen realized what was going to happen. Suzaku was going to go pilot the Lancelot. He was going to try and stop Zero in his tracks. Like a wick dipped in kerosene, her temper flared. She reached out and snagged his arm, pulling him to her.

Shifting, Suzaku stared at her. He blinked once, then twice, confusion pinching his features.

Kallen's face contorting rapidly as she thought through just what she was supposed to do. She searched in her mind, searched in her heart, for her brother and what he might say. But her mind was quiet. Blank.

Suzaku seemed to realize what she was trying to do and fixed her with a detached stare. "I'm going." He informed her coolly and pulled himself from her grip.

Kallen reached out again, her own hand pale and thin — translucent in a way she couldn't remember it ever being. She stared at her own veins for a moment, mesmerised, before following Suzaku's arm up to his shoulder, to his face. Kallen felt her lips twist into a thin, contemplative smile. There was no fear; nothing but calmness. Somewhere inside she knew she shocked at what she was going to attempt to do _again_, but her body felt numb, dead.

"No you're not," she said. There was no tremble in her voice, no whimper caught somewhere deep and hollow.

His feet faltered to a stop. At first, Suzaku only stared and blinked at her, but slowly, the black coat of rage swallowed his features in a frightening countenance.

"Try and stop me!" he snarled, preparing to turn away.

Kallen let go of his hand for just long enough to latch unto his upper arm, pulling herself up and pulling him down, smashing their mouths together. Hard and bitter and hurting and there was the taste of blood and Kallen knew it wasn't her own.

"I won't let you go," she stated calmly, her fingers in his hair, on his cheek, edging the line of his coat. "But you can touch me... any way you want," she finished, breathing hard and heavy near his jaw, waiting for him to please, _please_ make the first move.

His surprise at Kallen's bold actions seemed to strip away his rage. Suzaku gave her a long look as if wondering where did she get her strength--her will to keep fighting. He'd never met another woman like her, and he appeared as if he couldn't decide if she was just stupidly stubborn or courageous. Looked away abruptly, his face tightening into a hard mask that didn't quite reach his eyes. "You will not use _that_ as a bargaining tool."

Kallen wasn't certain what happened next. Her body seemed to move on its own; her consciousness somewhere else, watching from afar. She only seemed to be half aware that she had flung her arms around Suzaku's neck and pressed her body tight against his.

Suzaku gazed at her, unable to hide his shock.

Then, mouth screwed into a strange, uncomfortable line, he removed her hands from his chest and turned to leave but there was no leaving. She wouldn't let him. Gripping on to him once more, she wrapped her leg around his waist and fell backwards. He toppled over on top of her with a startled noise, and while he was still disoriented she pushed him to his back and got to her knees. Hovering over him, she kneeled over his hips and let her face fall inches from his own.

"You're not going, understand? You're going to stay here, with me. Only with me," she slipped forward and down, moving her hips so they brushed against each other through clothing and Suzaku made a strangled noise. He looked up at her, and for once, _for once_, his expression was not calm. Or even kind. Anything but. She couldn't place it but there was something unhinged and wild and sorely tempted in his gaze.

"Isn't this what you want?" Kallen asked, moving her hips once more, rolling them, beginning a strange rhythm of bump and grind. "Isn't this what you've been waiting for?" her voice was steady even though her pulse was going to tear her skin with it's rapid rhythm, and her limbs were going to shatter with shaking.

"Kallen," he said, and his voice wavered. "Get off me." He made a move to push himself up but she only shoved him back down again. A brief struggling match ensued and Kallen tightened her jaw, touched her lips to his own, buying time. She had to mentally strangle and drown every protest and whimper to stop stop stop. She was doing this because it wouldn't destroy her, she knew that. Wouldn't kill her or damage her or break her.

It was just sex. She could do it if it bought the Black Knights some time, even if just for a moment.

"Please," she asked. "Please. Suzaku."

It was probably the 'Suzaku' that did it because he hissed out her own name, low and throaty, and leaned up and not so much kissing her as biting her lower lip and almost dragging it down with him.

She mentally prepared herself for needing to touch and lick and do whatever along his chest and face to get his body to react to the place deemed as 'ready' for moving from touching to actual _touching_. But Kallen didn't have to wait.

She could feel him (oh god oh god) pressing up with every grind of her hips. And she knew her own body enough to recognize the beginnings of a warmth down there too. Forward and back, she rocked, and for one wild moment she wondered if that would be enough. If she could just grind against him here, with both her clothes and his separating them, with his own hips pushing forward and up and his eyes drifting close. Maybe this would be enough.

Suzaku grabbed her waist suddenly, fingers pinching and digging deep.

He was pulling her up and away from his hips, and she stared at him confused for a single moment before she felt him reach up the fabric of her suit and tug at the zipper. Down it slipped, the sound seeming to be deafening and it set an off-rhythm to the frantic sound of her blood pounding in her ears.

Using only one hand to keep her kneeling and lifted, he used the other to reach down his body. White jacket pulled apart, and then there was a belt buckle, a further zipper, and he was pulling down there. She watched his face, the strange contortions that washed over his every feature, and it was so so strange after so many weeks of impenetrable Kururugi _'Nice Guy'_ Suzaku.

And oh god oh god she could feel wet skin brushing against her inner thigh and she knew it wasn't her own so she knew what it was and oh god oh god. The hand holding her waist suddenly pulled _'down_' and she was flat down on Suzaku, her thighs hugging along his chest, and she was _'stretched_', god, cause he was _'in_' her.

There was no swallowing down her soft sob because it burned and pulled and it was a pain she just wanted to put pressure on until it stopped throbbing, which was clearly out of the question. Her chin was touching her collarbone and her hair fell across her eyes and around her cheeks so he couldn't see her. But he could hear her well enough. The hitch of her breath, the whine in her throat, the hateful beating of her heart.

"—Kallen?" Lust melted away and horrified realization dawned on his features. Suzaku's hands clamped back around her waist, attempting to push her away and retreat. "Am I—is this your—"

His fingers reached up, touched beneath her eyes, brushing away tears that hadn't fallen.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I didn't know that you've never—" he stopped mid word as she squeezed around him down there, purposefully, and inched forward. She pushed with her knees, up, then let herself fall slowly back down.

"You're not going anywhere," she panted, breath short, everything below her waist just _'aching _'and surely sex wasn't supposed to be so... uncomfortable. She really just wanted to lie down because it felt like her back was curving into an S somehow.

And even as the burn dulled the more she moved her hips in small circles, lifting up at the start of each new one, it didn't mean she particularly liked it. She felt awkwardly full and her stomach was rolling and empty.

She kept thinking that this wouldn't last forever, that there would be an end at some point. And then felt guilty because when it ended it meant Zero and the others weren't safe. So she slowed her hips, leaned forward, and kissed him and tried not to imagine what would happen if Zero or Ougi or—dear lord—_Tamaki_ came in and saw what was going on.

And the groan that vibrated from his mouth to hers certainly didn't send a jolt of pleasure along her veins. Definitely not.

If she strained her ears hard enough, she could hear the sounds of explosion rocketing throughout the air. While she was fucking Suzaku, somewhere outside these grey tiled walls, a battle was commencing and Zero was coming to save her and —

But as much as she tried to _slow_ it, Suzaku seemed to hasten it. His own hips were setting a pace just one half thrust quicker than her own, and he was so much stronger that she had to obey his rhythm. And then there were fingers too, still gloved (and didn't _that_ feel weird?) touching just above where his other body parts were busy moving up up up.

He kept hissing her name in her ear, almost sitting up, moving his hips towards her with a faster tempo and all she could hear was his breath through her hair and spilling down her spine like spiders. Yet he made her shudder and cry and tense all body-over, and then he was tensing too, pushing forward with awkward jerks and his gasps were all that soothed her body to silence again and all she could think of was _'I don't think Suzaku is gay after all.'_

* * *

He was studying her.

Not watching her intently, but studying. Like examining. Like she were a puzzle that he had acquired with no box to reference the final picture. He was piecing together who she was through her actions.

Some emotion beyond description, unfolded across his face. It dug at her, scooping her insides out and dragging them somewhere near her throat where they could choke her.

He left her quietly alone on the floor in a tangled sprawl of sore and lazy limbs. Everything had gone silent again and no one had shown up to free her from her cell at all.

Kallen wouldn't cry. She couldn't cry. She was afraid she had forgotten how.

* * *

...tbc...

* * *


	4. Part Four

* * *

_It takes two rounds of poker within the Knightmare hanger of the Black Knights' headquarters before Kallen can categorised their style of playing. Minami with his poker face and careful placing of cards. Tamaki who smugly tossed down cards without particular strategy. And Sugiyama, who scrutinized and calculated for an eternity before making his move._

_"You're going to be doing cleanup duty for a week," Tamaki chanted, shuffling his pile of cards, smirking at his opponents._

_"Actually, you're losing," Minami sneered at Tamaki, who scowled._

_"**Actually**, I doubt there's anything we can do to stop his winning," Sugiyama frowned. "It was well played," he grudgingly said, tossing his hand down._

_"**Actually**, your **face **was well played." And while Sugiyama commented that that didn't even make sense, Kallen cleared her throat quietly._

_"Actually..." she said, laying her cards down and allowing herself a tiny grin. "Full House." Minami stared at it, Tamaki's jaw slowly crept down, and Sugiyama laughed._

_"We're keeping her," he said. _

* * *

She was sitting against the cell bars, eyes distant and arms folded across her chest (_don't think about there, gods, he had his hands all over there and you _liked _it you sicko_). She still couldn't believe that she had done _that. _It felt surreal. Had she really straddled Suzaku and....

Kallen grimaced, pressing her thighs together. She did not want to remember. She wanted the cold numbness of amnesia to soften her memories into a distant wet blur. She felt sore and tired and defeated. Broken like the china doll she had once dropped accidentally down the stairs. Face cracked open and glass eye rolling away.

There was someone behind her. Kallen could feel him. Her spine tried to curve inwards and claw its way out through the front, and her eternal organs felt like they were going to jump ship, so she knew it was Suzaku. Disappointment ran deep through her body to mingle with the shame and the resentment coiled inside the pit of her stomach. She was hoping he at least wouldn't show his face around her again, after what had transpired between them yesterday. Kallen for one, definitely did not want to face him --- probably never again, unless it was on the battlefield. Then again, if there was one thing that she had learned throughout her entire experience as a prisoner thus far, it was that passion and violence were often closely linked and she wasn't sure if she could fight against the Lancelot again without _remembering _and _knowing…._

She swallowed and turned her head where her gaze landed on a tray laden with food placed directly in front of her jail cell. Straining her eyes against the weak lighting, she realized there were also two small white pills sitting next to the glass of water. "What are those?" She croaked into the still air, her voice sounding thready and weak even to her own ears. It seemed like an eternity before Suzaku answered, his own voice a monotone.

"....They're an emergency method of contraception."

Kallen froze as if he had just drenched her with a barrel of ice water.

Suzaku's low, flat voice continued on like a robot. "You take the first pill with something to eat so you don't get nauseas. Twelve hours later, you take the second pill."

She swallowed a sob, breathed shakily and deeply. She remembered then, that they hadn't used any condoms and she was, of course, not on birth control so it was a logical arrangement really, how Suzaku had managed to procure the morning-after pill. How sensible. How very practical. Wouldn't want any mini Suzakus running around, now did we.

Oh what would her brother do if he could see her now? Probably die again from the shame at seeing his sister having unprotected sex with the enemy. How could anyone be so stupid, so caught up in the moment that they forget to use protection? What was _wrong_ with her? She used to be smart. She used to get straight A's in all her classes. But now it was as if she was slowly losing all sense of her sanity being cooped up in this godforsaken jail cell. But maybe that wasn't the entire problem since she was sure that when Ougi and the others had been captured, _they_ hadn't resorted to having orgies on the dirty cement floor. So it really all just came down to _her _and whatever the hell was going on inside her head.

The atmosphere was so tense it was choking her. Realizing that Suzaku was keeping careful watch of her facial expressions, Kallen snatched up one of the pills and swallowed it dry, gagging at the quick ache when it slithered sluggishly down her throat.

"Here, have something to eat ---" he tried to offer her a sandwich through the metal bars but she smacked it away in annoyance. It was just like the beginning, when he kept harrasing her to eat. Only this time, he was making no move to enter her cell anymore, and it wasn't because the bars that were holding him back either. Something unspoken and raw had changed between them; a barrier he wouldn't cross over, not after the intimacy they had shared and Kallen knew inexplicably that Suzaku would keep his distance.

"What are you, my mother?" Kallen snapped, reacting with anger as she always seemed to be doing these days. It was like Suzaku brought out the very worst in her or maybe it was the whole damn situation. She didn't know. Or particularly care.

Suzaku evidently seemed to have lost all patience with her as well.

"Do you usually do with your mother what we were doing last night?" He countered blandly, dropping the uneaten sandwich back on the tray with a careless toss.

Kallen balked, memories beginning to flood and refusing to be banished to the recesses of her mind. Memories of Suzaku's face against her skin, mindlessly mouthing at her flesh as he panted his release or how each press of his hips hurt but he had tried to take away her discomfort anyway; his fingers and lips doing their best to distract her enough to enjoy the sex.

She shuffled herself a few inches away from the bars. "Fuck you." She spat.

"I believe you already did."

Kallen stared, too shocked to reply. She wasn't used to seeing this unforgiving side of Suzaku. Her gaze trailed down the stony planes of his face, and lingered on the dark rings around his eyes and his slightly sunk-in cheeks. _He_ was the one who needed a sandwich right now --- not her.

Closing her eyes, Kallen heaved one big weary sigh. She was tired, so tired all the time.

"Just leave me alone." She muttered after several in-takes of breath and drew her knees up to her chest before grimacing slightly. She was still sore from.... well, you know. Suzaku's sharp gaze caught her grimace and suddenly, his face softened and he looked just as beaten and broken as she did. "Does it hurt terribly?" and his voice was no longer sounding mechanical, "I'm sorry. I was too rough."

"I'm fine!" Kallen immediately gritted out, humiliation setting her face aflame, "It's _normal_ for girls after their first---" She broke off abruptly, because this was embarrassing and awkward and she did _not_ want to be having this conversation with him. With _anyone. _

"So you _were_ a virgin," Suzaku was sullen as he looked at her guiltily. "I'm so sorry Kallen."

_For what? _she wanted to scream. _For dishonoring me, or deflowering me, or some such? _Was he going to feel duty bound to insist on the honorable course of marriage now? She hated how apologetic and regretful he looked --- how he _always _looked, like it was his fault she had jumped him, forced him to stay. She suddenly had a ridiculous image of herself tying Suzaku up to a bedpost and having her dirty dirty way with him.

"You know what? I am so done with you!" Kallen exploded, because she was good at that. "You drive me crazy with your holier-than-thou attitude, the way you keep relying on some stupid affirmation that you're this good person, that everyone should be good and follow _your_ beliefs because _god forbid that you're ever wrong_, as you walk around with this whole "good guy" façade when really---"

She was grabbed mid-rant by the collar of her suit and dragged forwards until she was pressed painfully up against the metal bars of her cell. What met her eyes burned into the back of her brain and haunted her for the remainder of her days because Suzaku's expression was unlike anything she had ever witnessed before, save for the time he had first unmasked Zero.

"Don't talk about me like you know me." He told her in a voice barely above a whisper.

Kallen snapped. She really, truly did. It was as if all the pent up anger and frustration and sorrow she had been storing inside her erupted out of her mouth like a volcano. She was angry, so angry, she was actually seeing red.

"I know you're a coward," Kallen challenged, a feral snarl on her lips. She shook her head and threw her chest out, pinching her shoulder blades together in an effort to throw off his grasp. "I know that you want to find a way to justify everything you've done to give your life some meaning. Like murdering your father."

She had hit a nerve. Suzaku growled, mouth open and teeth bared, pulling her tighter against the bars with a pronounced clang.

"You act all noble on the outside because that's who you want to be, but it really doesn't make you any better than Zero." Kallen continued her tirade mercilessly, her head splitting with the need to cry.

The muscles around Suzaku's mouth were tight and angry. "Zero's methods will never save anyone."

"That isn't for you to decide."

"He's playing you like a puppet."

"And I don't care." Kallen said evenly, "I don't care, I never did."

People assigned leaders to do what they cannot-- to have the strength of will to accept what they cannot fathom. A good leader is like a good speech-- goading people onward, goading miracles from laymen, great feats from ordinary people. Only a leader can do what all others would shy from. Zero was the executor of necessity-- the executioner of paralyzing choice. The price for a liberated Japan was inked into every curve and bend of her body. It didn't matter if she had to take lives or risk her own. To free the country her brother had died trying to save, she would roll around in the mud and lick Zero's boots if she had to.

And she felt sorry for Suzaku because he needed to learn that self-denial would only impede his growth. He had to find out what he was, and what he was not. And somehow, Kallen knew they would always be on opposite sides of the battle field; forever enemies, fighting one another to the last breath, for neither one could accept anything less than someone fighting with all they had.

"Kallen." The strain in his voice convinced her to be silent and listen. He was desperate. She had driven him to desperation. There was something he had been keeping to himself for a long time, a story --- one small moment, she had probably forgotten about. When her words had meant more to him than anyone else's.

"Do you remember the first day I came to Ashford?"

Her brows scrunched in confusion. "Yes, but why –"

"It was lunchtime," he interrupted, knowing what her question would be. "You were eating inside the classroom with some other girls and I could tell you didn't like their company."

She gazed uncomfortable. "How do you know that?"

"I was there," he continued. "You made some sort of excuse and then you went outdoors and sat behind some bushes to finish your lunch by yourself. I thought it was a little odd, but there you were, outside alone. You were so confident and poised -- totally different than when you were around the others. And I remembered thinking how amazing it was that you didn't mind eating alone when someone like me, the new kid, was so self-conscious about it. I wanted to speak to you, but I didn't know what to say. You scared me, and I didn't want to embarrass myself so I just stood there. And then you looked up at me and said –"

"'You don't have to be nervous with me'," she finished, recognition written on her face. "I remember. You didn't say anything back."

Suzaku looked away. "I was intimidated. My whole life, people have been putting expectations on me. Growing up, I had to be perfect in my father's eyes and when I started attending Ashford, people were waiting for the worst out of me, but you just looked at me with no expectations. Slowly, it helped me to realize that I could refuse to do anything I didn't want to do, because in my mind I knew there was at least one person out there, who wouldn't be judging me for it. The feeling was overbearing."

He looked back at her, gaze heavy and unnerving. Kallen said nothing, but the constant elastic pull in her chest seemed to loosen, ever, ever so slightly.

"Thank you." Suzaku informed her, almost wistfully.

"Something as small as that made that much of an impression on you?" Kallen asked with as close to a smile as she would allow.

"It was the best thing anyone's ever told me."

And that was that. They had reached the critical point where it ended just as suddenly as it began. Anything after this defining moment of their pseudo-relationship would just be resounding acknowledgment of a dull rhythm surely morse code for _Goodbye. _

There was nothing left for Kallen to do but wait. But it was a different kind of waiting now. Waiting for things to end. To be complete. It was a long wait that didn't have a known end. But this type of waiting.... somehow it felt right.

Kallen took a deep breath after Suzaku left and pushed her head back against the wall. Not crying, she told herself firmly. Not crying.

Just waiting.

* * *

_Naoto carded his fingers through her hair and she shook her head frantically. He recoiled and made a face at her._

_"Why'd'jya cut it anyway?" he asked, eyes glancing over the way her hair now fell only to just below her collarbone, tracing the edge of her neck._

_"To catch wind," she replied, tossing her head wildly, letting the short strands fly in the hot summer breeze. When he buried his fingers in it again, she didn't shake them away, instead laughed and said: "we have the same length now."_

"_Ah I see now! You just wanted to look like your dear older brother didn't you? Can't say I blame you---" _

_Kallen rolled her eyes and kicked him in the shin. "I'm not that obsessed." _

_He retaliated by poking her in the cheek. "Face it - you love me kiddo. You love me like a fat kid loves cake." _

_A shrug. "Eh. You're okay."_

"_Why you little ---"_

_After being tickled senseless, Kallen couldn't stop laughing. Clear and bright and echoing._

* * *

"Long time no see, Kallen."

She had figured that there was nothing left that could surprise her now but she was wrong. At first, there was only shock. And then, slowly, a ghost of a smile blossomed onto her features.

"Nunnally." She greeted and sat up straight.

* * *

Fin.

* * *

**A/N: **Aaaand that's where everything ties into ep. 12. I know the time-line is hella screwed up but bleh. Whatevz.

To my readers:

I started off Critical Point with the knowledge that Suzaku/Kallen wasn't the most popular of fan pairings and I've ended it satisfied in the knowledge that I contributed something to its small fandom. I don't picture a relationship between Suzaku and Kallen as being very joyous so it reflects that way in my writing. To me, Suzaku/Kallen is very complicated to write. But it has its own appeal and I hope you guys enjoyed my portrayal.

I don't believe that I can thank you long time readers enough for sticking by this fic for so long. But thank you anyways, you people are the best.

A spiffy fanart by tenshiyaki from livejournal was also drawn for this fic!

h t t p : / / i m g . p h o t o b u c k e t . c o m / a l b u m s / v 5 1 6 / M r s K u ch i k i / su z a k a l l c o p y . j p g

Isn't it epic? 33

(**Btw**, _no_, there was no rape involved in the previous chapter. Seriously, I'm a little offended people would even say that. The sex was obviously consensual despite the scenario being vastly different from what you may be used to reading.)


End file.
